Who Are You When No One Is Watching?

Leadership shows up most clearly when there’s no applause.

I believe most of us, at some point, have been pushed into actions that were not aligned with who we truly are. Moments where we compromised our values. Moments where we went along with a culture, a decision, or an expectation — simply to fit in, belong, or survive.

If you’re honest, you’ve probably been there too. I know I have.

Those moments don’t define us — unless we avoid reflecting on them, learning from them, and choosing to show up more authentically next time.

As Maya Angelou so wisely said: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

To me, this is an invitation to self-compassion and growth. Not to judge our past selves — but to let new awareness become the foundation for wiser, more aligned choices going forward. We become more self-aware, more intentional, and stronger — both as humans and as leaders. And that awareness is where integrity begins.

Leadership Beyond Visibility

Leadership is often described as visibility. Being seen. Being heard. Being decisive. 

But some of the most important leadership moments happen when no one is watching at all. 

• When you choose the honest answer over the easy one

• When you decide how to speak about someone who isn’t in the room

• When you make a choice that aligns with your values — even though it costs you something

That’s where leadership truly lives.

A Question Worth Sitting With

So here’s a question I often invite leaders — and myself — to reflect on:

Who are you when no one is watching? 

• When there’s no recognition to gain

• No role to perform

• No expectations to meet

What guides you then?

Your answer doesn’t need to be impressive. It needs to be true.