“I’m Fine.” Two Words We Say All The Time — But Rarely Mean

“I’m fine.”

We hear it — and say it — every day. But often, it’s only the surface. Beneath it: unspoken feelings, challenges, and needs.

As a leader, how you respond matters. Before asking someone else, pause and check in with yourself:

• Am I truly curious about the answer?

• Am I present — or distracted?

• What’s my motive for asking?

• Am I creating safety for honesty?

Your awareness sets the tone. When leaders notice what’s beneath the surface, trust grows — and teams feel safe to bring their full selves to work.

 Why we say “I’m fine”

• It’s automatic — a social script.

• Vulnerability feels risky.

• We don’t want to burden others.

But when we hide behind “I’m fine,” we disconnect — from ourselves and from each other.

If we want to move beyond this surface-level script, here are three ways leaders can open the door to honesty and connection.

3 Practical Leadership Steps

1. Ask twice

If you sense “I’m fine” is a mask, you could ask:

• How are you really doing?

• What does a great day look like for you?

• On a scale of 1–10, where are you right now?

If they say 6, follow up with:

• Why 6?

• What would 7 look like?

• What support would help you move there?

2. Model openness

Share your own ups and downs. It gives others permission to be real. Example: “I’m proud of this week’s progress, but I’ve also been stretched thin.”

3. Create safe spaces

Make it clear that honesty is welcome, supported, and judgment-free. That’s how you build psychological safety.

Reflection for you

Next time you’re about to say “I’m fine,” pause:

• What’s the truth behind your answer?

• Who in your circle can you share it with?

• How can you help others feel safe to be honest?

Authentic leadership isn’t about perfection. It’s about honesty, trust, and courage.

So let me ask you again — with curiosity and care:

How are you really doing?