The Truth Behind “I’m Fine”

F.I.N.E. = F’ed up. Insecure. Neurotic. Egotistical.

That’s how Canadian author Louise Penny’s character Ruth Zardo translated “I’m fine.”

Funny? Yes. But also painfully true — because sometimes “I’m fine” really means:

➡️ “I’m struggling, and I’m hoping you’ll notice.”

➡️ “I’m holding on, but I might break soon.”

➡️ “I don’t want to burden you.”

And sometimes — “I’m fine” is not only a mask, but a dismissal. A quiet closing of the door because we’ve been let down before. It can mean:

➡️ “I’m struggling, and I’m hoping you’ll notice — but last time I tried to share, you weren’t really listening. You seemed distracted, disrespectful, or simply not present. So why should I open up this time?”

 This, too, is part of the truth behind “I’m fine.”

After my last newsletter, a subscriber shared a touching message that inspired me to explore this collective behavior — one we’ve all learned, and probably need to unlearn.

Yesterday, I spoke with a friend and caught myself replying, “I’m fine.” At first, it struck me as a little funny — I had just written about “I’m fine,” and here I was falling into the same pattern without reflection.

After pausing to think, I realized that for me, “I’m fine” often just means average — nothing too exciting, nothing to worry about. Sometimes “I’m fine” really is fine. But if it becomes the standard answer, it’s worth paying attention.

🌿 Layers Beneath:

Sometimes “I’m fine” isn’t the truth — it’s a mask. Here’s what it can hide:

• Fear of judgment: Admitting we’re not okay feels risky.

• Not wanting to burden others: “I’ll handle it myself” seems easier.

• Pride or self-reliance: We think we should be fine.

• Invisible hurts: Anxiety, exhaustion, self-doubt… they don’t always feel “serious enough” to share.

• Past disappointment: We’ve opened up before and felt unseen, unheard, or dismissed — so we stop trying.

Recognizing these hidden messages isn’t negativity. It’s honesty. It’s connection. It’s authentic leadership.

🌼 What If We Did Things Differently?

 What if “I’m fine” wasn’t the end of the conversation — but the beginning?

•  Start with better check-in questions. Instead of “How are you?”, try: “What’s been heavy for you this week?”

• Model vulnerability. When leaders say, “Actually, I’m feeling off today,” they give others permission to be real too.

• Create safe spaces. Team meetings, 1:1s, or even informal coffee breaks and walk-and-talks can become moments where people drop the mask.

• Use structured reflection. Try simple weekly check-ins: “What’s working?” / “What’s hard?” / “What support would help?”

💡 A Little Experiment

Next time someone says “I’m fine,” gently ask: “Thanks for sharing. What does fine feel like for you right now?” Or when you catch yourself saying “I’m fine,” pause and ask: “What’s closer to the truth?” — and, if possible, share that instead.

🤍 Why It Matters — Especially in Leadership

 People don’t trust leaders who appear flawless. They trust leaders who are real — leaders who:

•  Admit they don’t have all the answers.

• Show up, even when it’s messy.

• Encourage others to do the same.

Authentic leaders don’t avoid discomfort. They lean into it. They name it. And in doing so, they build trust, engagement, and resilient teams.

🌷 A Final Thought

“I’m fine” doesn’t have to be a polite lie. It can be a doorway — to connection, honesty, and the kind of spaces where meaningful work and real growth happen. Because when leaders truly listen beneath the “I’m fine,” they create cultures built on trust, empathy, and authenticity.

This week, listen beneath the “I’m fine” — in yourself and in others. That’s where authentic leadership begins.

Here’s to being imperfect. Being brave. Being real.