When Feedback Misses the Mark

Turning Feedback Into Confidence, Not Self-Doubt

Recently, I worked with a client who had received performance feedback focused almost entirely on her weaker areas. She arrived at our session feeling demotivated, disappointed — and even questioning whether she should stay in her job.

As we reviewed the feedback together, something became clear: only about 20% of the conversation highlighted what she was doing well, and even that was mentioned briefly at the beginning. The rest zoomed in on her weaknesses. No wonder she left feeling drained and doubting her value.

Sadly, her experience isn’t unusual. Many talented professionals walk away from feedback conversations feeling smaller, not stronger.

Feedback Should Fuel Growth — Not Deplete It

Meaningful feedback isn’t about listing everything someone doesn’t do well. It’s about helping them understand:

• What they excel at

• How they can further develop those strengths

• How their strengths create real value for the team and the organisation

Of course, behaviours that need attention shouldn’t be ignored. But decades of research — and countless coaching sessions — reveal something important:

• Even with effort, we rarely become exceptional in an area of weakness.

• The process often feels discouraging and demotivating.

• And most importantly: fixing a weakness is almost never the path to thriving.

Before You Ask Someone to Improve… Pause

When preparing to give feedback, ask yourself:

• Is this truly necessary for their success?

• Or is this more about my own needs, expectations, or biases?

• What role do I play in the behaviour I’m noticing?

• What can I do more of to support this person’s development?

• Is the person in the right role — or is it time to explore adjustments that would help them thrive?

Often, weakness-fixation says more about the leader than the employee.

What Meaningful Feedback Really Looks Like

Leaders who deliver impactful, confidence-building feedback help people understand:

• How their strengths positively influence team dynamics

• How their contribution shapes project outcomes and client delivery

• Where their natural talents can create even more value or be developed further

• Where development opportunities genuinely support their success — not just the leader’s comfort

Because when feedback is rooted in strengths, people grow. When feedback is rooted in deficits, people shrink.

A Leadership Reflection for the Week

Think about the last piece of feedback you gave.

Did the person walk away feeling more capable, more seen, and more energised? Or did they leave doubting themselves — doubting you as their leader — or questioning whether they’re in the right organisation?

Creating teams where people can truly thrive starts with the conversations we have — and the lens through which we choose to see each other.